They have gone too far this time. The county commission just ordered the wearing of belts at all times when in the public spaces. There is a sizable fine of $101 for the first offense. Repeat violations may be fined $1,001, and a third time offender could face up to 30 days in jail, except in February which has only 28 or 29 days.

For the record, I will not comply with this idiotic dictate. Do not misunderstand me. I have absolutely no problem with those of you who choose to wear belts. It is a matter of principle. If they can mandate belts, they can mandate the wearing of shoes, or hats, or good grief, they might even require underwear.

It is difficult to understand why the commission did this, and why now. Could it be politically motivated? Since the surrounding counties previously implemented similar mandates, perhaps they are worried their alleged lack of concern for the public could be used against them in the coming election. I question the constitutionality of this ridiculous mandate.

They claim the science is on their side. They point to recent research that shows that most sexual assaults occur when one or both parties are not wearing belts. I would point out to these public servants that there may be a statistically significant correlation at the 95 percent confidence level, but no causative link has ever been demonstrated. In all my years on this earth, I never observed a beltless person being naughty in public. I think these elected officials fear being criticized for failing to protect the children and others with various co-morbidities.  Don’t they realize we are quite capable of comprehending the scientific research and making our own decisions about wearing a belt.  Who decided these elected officials possess greater wisdom?  If going beltless posses an existential threat, just give us the factual information and let us make our own decisions.  Don’t they respect our judgement?

In their rush to implement this draconian order, the commission also failed to specify where the belt must be worn or even what kind of belt we must wear. I will gladly pay the fine for my first offense. If I must venture into the public afterwards, I will wear a belt made of hemp around my neck with a sign that says “This is a Belt” and dare them to arrest me for this entirely innocent public disobedience. I may even rally my comrades in protest to take down the prominent statue of St. Francis of Assisi in the county courthouse garden. Other’s in my community have remarked that he is not wearing a belt, yet they honor him without condemnation. What hypocrites!